Phish.net > Charts > Narration Chart: "Harpua", 1992-11-28

[Original transcription by Yance Davis]

TREY: That's right folks, we're going back inside of Fish's head one more time... Because there's something that you didn't know, and that's that, yesterday when we were trying to jump from the ear canal over the brain and we all fell into the void in Gamehendge, what you didn't know was that had we gone a little bit farther and gotten onto the brain. You picture this mass, this huge clump of grey matter that's sitting inside his head with little crevices and everything, while far in one of those crevices, deep on a huge lump of brain, that's a hill far up in the distance there lived... an ugly man and his mangy hound. And they lived up in a tiny shack, a circular little dome house that had a little hot tub extension on the outside of it, and he lived all the way up there all alone. This old man had this horrible dog named… Harpua.

Well on this particular day, the old man was lounging in the hot tub, and, unbeknownst to him, the dog Harpua decided to go for a little walk. So, he started to walk across the field and down the dirt road past the pond out onto the other connective dirt road, took a left, went about three miles out to the paved road, started walking down, finding himself tumbling down, walking down over these things. Finally made the jump [delivers following without a breath] over the crevice onto the ear canal, down the ear canal, over the head into the hair, down the neck, down the back, down the leg over the drum riser, down the drum riser leg, down the felt thing, up the thing, down underneath everybody's feet, out into the street, takes a left, goes down the street and starts walking past the liquor store at the corner… [applause]

Well, the old man didn't know where this dog Harpua was going, but at this point in time he was walking into midtown Port Chester to look for a little action. So, he walked through, past the liquor store, down route 120, and he's walking along. Slowly the buildings started to turn into
trees, and the trees had houses in them. First, it was apartment buildings, and slowly he realized that he was in the Nice section of town. And he walked along and he was walking along the nice section of town and meanwhile, unbeknownst to anyone, inside one of the houses, there sat a young boy.

And his name was Jimmy. And on this particular day, Jimmy was sitting in his room with his favorite kitty cat, and they were listening to the radio. They were listening to the classic rock station and they were listening to the big hit song.

[Trey plays the main riff for the Spin Doctors "Jimmy Olsen's Blues" and sings "I don't think I can handle this" before returning to the narration]

So, they were sitting in there listening to their favorite new record, and Jimmy, as he turned up the volume, he turned around and he looked down on his cat and he said, “I love sitting here listening to the Spin Doctors with my favorite cat." He looked down, and he pet the little cat. He said, "Oh, I love you.. Ohhhh Ohh. nnnn . nnnaaooo.. Oh I love you so much. That's why I named you, nnnnhhh my favorite cat... that's why I named you... oh your name is obviously... my favorite kitty... hhhnn Your name is... I named you POSTER NUTBAG!!!!!!

[accompanied by classic rock riffing] So he looks down at Poster Nutbag and Poster Nutbag suddenly gets up, stretches his back and decides to go for a little walk. So he walks out the door and across the path and he's outside, and he starts heading down the the lawn and everything's beautiful except that he doesn't realize that... he doesn't realize that right around the corner is the evil Harpua and all of a sudden as he rounds the corner, he comes face to face with Harpua! And Harpua lets an angry growl out... and Harpua knows that the fight is about to begin. They look at each other. Harpua coils his body into a deadly arch. A hungry drop of saliva drips onto the ground.

Look, the storm’s gone...